Sea Salt
by AccountNoLongerActive1
Summary: Edward discovers, through great anguish and pain, that it is possible for vampires to cry. One-shot. During New Moon. Angst.


**Summary: During New Moon, Edward discovers, through great anguish and pain, that it is possible for vampires to cry.**

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The attic was dank. Cobwebs hung from every corner of the ceiling, every nook in the wall and every cranny under the floorboards. The windows were barricaded with planks of two-by-four wood, filtering the brightly shining sunlight into nothing. I could hear a tap dripping two streets away, and I was silently begging the home owner to discover it soon. Cars were blaring loudly as angry drivers honked their horns. Young drivers had their heads moving to the latest clap-trap rap song. I could smell an oil spillage just down the street, an explanation as to all the traffic. I could hear fire engines close by, knowing they were coming to rid the road of the dangerous liquid. I could hear the heart beats and almost smell their nectar.

The sweet, sweet blood that made my demon sing, the liquid life that I crave to have sliding down my throat. Their heartbeats were heavy, their pace quickening as they saw several cars drive over the oil, one almost losing control. Stopping traffic, I could hear the complaints rolling off human's tongues, road rage a fluent language with all, and I could hear their inner-monologue, struggling for words to express their anger.

How disgustingly pitiful.

Humans; they sit in their sleek, defenceless cars, wondering why their life had taken a turn for the worst. Women fretting over a lost tube of lipstick, men groaning as their radio station became fuzzy; they didn't want to miss their favourite song. A song they've heard more than hundreds of times. They think they've got it so _damn_ hard. Almost as if no one had ever experienced what they've experienced, as if no one has been through worse than what they've been through, like nothing else matters besides their own wellbeing.

I had almost forgotten how annoying and shallow humans could be. My opinions concerning them completely changed the day I fell in love with Bella.

I welcomed the cutting wound that her name brought me. I felt the ache in my chest and the hole through my body. The dark shadows that rimmed my scars were almost visible on my skin. I felt a burning shudder run through my body as I ground my teeth together.

I had always thought that the change into a vampire would be the most painful thing any soul could ever experience. How wrong and ignorant I had been. I would gladly welcome the fire of vampire venom to run through my veins, killing my organs and hardening my skin, stealing my eyes and stopping my heart. At least there would be a heart _to _stop. But now, the mere thought of my love's voice nearly killed me. It had me crippled on the floor of this abandoned attic, almost screaming with the sheer agony I had brought upon myself.

_It's for her… It's for her…_

Was it really? Was leaving her really for her own good? Was I truly leaving her without any danger, a real chance to have a life? A _human _life. Something every vampires wants—_craves. _Something vampires can never have. But was this really all for Bella… Or was I just trying to make myself feel better? Knowing that she would be safe… happy… without me. Did I put both of us through agony just so I could feel better about myself and my soulless body…?

_Does it really matter?_

What's done is done and it cannot be changed. No matter how much I wish that it could be. Alice had told me for days that I would regret making this decision, and she was right. I always knew she was right. I knew from the mere second that I had decided on leaving Bella that I would regret it. But that doesn't change the fact that it was the _right _thing to do.

I felt a stirring in my chest, where my heart once was. The hole was festering, concocting another wave of pain that would surely bring me to my knees. Wrapping my arms around my mid-section, I found no way to hold myself together. I could feel my spirit slipping through my marble fingers, the cotton of my shirt floating away from my body. Sobs racked my chest and I tried in desperation to stop them. But I didn't have control anymore.

_Did I ever…?_

The stirring wound its way upwards, slowly spreading across my collarbone and shoulders, gently gliding down my back. It was like I was slowly burning, a warm enough temperature to cause pain, but not enough to kill me. It gripped me in vice-like holds around my wrists and ankles, spreading heat through my limbs. I felt it weave its way up my throat, and I thought I'd surely breathe smoke from my mouth. The heat was wrapped around my tongue, strong like a whip yet soft like a caress.

The heat met my scalp and tugged at the ends of my hair, igniting flames from the bronze disarray. The warmth reached every nook and cranny of my body, filling it with an unnatural heat that felt so familiar, yet so foreign. I was warm all over, the alien flames licking every part of my skin and soothing all my muscles. My eyes were still cold and hard. They were still a monstrous topaz. Bella had always told me that they were beautiful.

_Does she still think that?_

Again, her name brought on the familiar onslaught of pain. But something else happened… The whole in my chest quaked my still form, and the heat reacted. It shot up my arms and left a painful cool smoke in its wake, the sudden change in temperature almost making me scream out. The heat left my fingers, hands, arms, it left my toes, feet and legs. It stopped at my chest and rumbled around, swirling with the black hole I had given myself.

It was a slow dance, the black hole I had created whipping around the red heat. Both trying to find a way around each other, both trying to cause me pain. Either way, I would lose. It didn't make the pain any less. The red flames forced itself over the darkness, gnawing away at my body. I felt it trying to rip through ym skin, and I very nearly let it. The heat won, and shot towards the only part of my body that still felt the same, the only part of my body that still held the same soulless cold feeling. My yellow eyes shone for a moment when the fire hit them, and I wanted nothing more than to claw them out.

Then I felt it.

Moisture was running down my face, painfully soothing. Touching it burnt my fingers and looking down, I saw the mercury liquid shining on my digits. I had only seen vampire venom once or twice in my life, and even though it was only wry glimpses. I had always been scared of it. The venom is what caused me to become a vampire, it was what stole my soul, made me a murderer, it was what tainted my Bella's veins, endangering her life. To see it leaking down my marble cheeks was more than a shock. I was in awe. The venom was thick as it stung my fingers, shining translucently in the filtered sunlight. Another drop ran down my face, and the trail it left was burning. Hissing at the momentary pain, I wiped at my cheeks, wondering in vain where it had come from. I wasn't damaged physically, and I couldn't be wounded, no vampire had touched me.

Another drop. Another aggravated hiss.

I looked up at the dainty ceiling, glaring at the small holes I spied. I waited for another drop… _could a vampire be up there?_

But the drop never came, and I still felt the stinging venom, I still felt a growl slip between my teeth. But the venom didn't _drop _onto my face. It had leaked. Right from my eyes.

Had the pain become too much? Had everything I've experienced during all my years built up to this moment, to these few tears I have shed… the only tears I may ever shed again? I had always told Bella to remember what I was; a soulless, bloodsucking vampire, that only thought twice about killing her when I first met her. She had always told me that she didn't care… that I was human in her eyes. Had her belief brought out this human trait? Or can tears only be earned through cruel suffering?

_How…?_

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.


End file.
